No, you don’t get to complain that you’re having a bad day at work, unless you are one of these 9 gentlemen who have kindly shared how they went from new career hopefuls to just hopeless.
Let them be a lesson on what not to do when you’ve just scored gainful employment.
1. Dressed To Kill… Your Own Career
“I see myself as a pretty stylish guy, and I think I took the adage ‘Dress for the job you want, not the job you’re in’ a little too far. I showed up in a suit, when everyone else, including the bossman, was in T-shirt and jeans. Not sure if he felt threatened, but I didn’t stay very long in the company.” – Dave T.
Lesson learned: In this case, it’s better to
overdress dress smart than underdress. That and, pay attention to how everyone dresses during the day of your interview.
2. Caught Tinder-ing
“My first day at work was also my first date with a new Tinder match. But she’d ghosted because of some lewd comment that offended her, so I was swiping at my desk to try and score another date. My boss had caught me Tinder-ing, but the thing is, that’s not the worst part. I guess everyone was in a weekend mood, and he even made a joke out of it.
The following week, a colleague who was on leave returned to work and I was introduced to her. She had a bemused look that said, “I seem to know you from somewhere…” It was awkward as hell. So yes, she was the Tinder date who ghosted over my inappropriate sexual jokes. And then I suppose word spread, because I later became that ‘sexual harassment guy’.” – W.K. Lee
Lesson learned: It’s a small world and shit happens, but it is still best to keep things professional and save your Tinder-ing business for after hours. At least during your probation, that is.
3. Forgetting Names
“This is classic embarrassment. I was asked to receive an important guest into the office and introduce him to my supervisor and two other colleagues in the meeting room.
‘This is my boss, Matthew,’ I started out. ‘And this is, erm… well…’ I was completely stumped. Their names totally slipped my mind. Quite possibly the longest 5 seconds of my life.” – Johnson N.
Lesson learned: Burn the names and designations into memory during the round of introductions. Repeat after the introducer if you have to. Never, ever take this first day practice lightly. A forgotten name equals a forgettable person. Nobody wants that.
4. Office Bonking
“Okay, so this isn’t exactly my first day of work, but let me just say getting caught with your pants down with a co-worker is the fastest way to the unemployment line.” – Benson G.
Lesson learned: Get a room.
5. Social Media Executive, Executed
“Seriously, I’ve got the WORST bros. I was out celebrating my new job with them one night at a bar, and I had to run to the toilet. They decided to hijack my Instagram while I was out for a long wee – you know the thing with beers and bladder control.
But what they didn’t know is that I’d started handling a corporate client’s account as social media executive, and my ‘Gram was NOT switched to my personal one. The next day, I got an angry email from the client asking why there were three drunk guys taking turns to make obscene gestures on the company’s Instagram Story.” – Frankie T.
Lesson learned: Meticulous, attention to detail, foresight. These are qualities that should also be applied during Happy Hour.
6. You Know It’s Not The Best First Day If Police Are Involved
“I was out for dinner and drinks near my office, and it was only at 2AM that I realised I’d left my wallet on my desk. Nobody told me that if I had to get back after hours, I had to input another set of security code to disarm the electronic lock system from the inside.
The whole thing got tripped up and I swear the alarm could be heard 10 streets down. Someone must’ve thought the office got burgled, because the police was called in, and the security company SOS-ed my boss in the middle of the night. It was one big fucking nightmare.” – Andy L.
Lesson learned: It’s always better for your boss to first hear about your fuck up from you, not someone else.
7. Never Go Against The Lunch Bunch
“I was told to join an urgent noon meeting in the boardroom, and I was ready to take notes and ask questions. Turns out, the meeting was a deliberate discussion on what the lunch theme of the day should be.
Without thinking, I LOL-ed and made a remark about how I thought I was called in for important business. The room went silent and I got a couple of death stares. Apparently, these guys took their lunches seriously, like REALLY seriously, and I found out the hard way.” – Leroy T.
Lesson learned: Challenging long-standing company cultures is first-day suicide. Keep your mouth shut and scope them out for yourself first, no matter how ridiculous they are.
8. Trying Too Hard To Impress Backfires
“I’m always the resident joker among my friends. I carried that into my first day at work, because who doesn’t want to make a killer impression and be well liked, right?
For the whole day, I laughed along with everything they said, pretended to understand the inside jokes, stirred the rumour mill, and I even CC-ed some online personality bingo of myself to everyone in the office. Fast forward to the ending: No one did the bingo, and I became a social pariah.” – Kumar K.
Lesson learned: Don’t confuse your new colleagues for your group of friends. Let it come naturally. If you really value forming allegiances over work on your first day, start with one colleague and slowly win the rest over one at a time.
9. Boss Baby
“My lady boss brought her 1-year-old daughter into the office and I dropped her when it was my turn to carry. There was no end to her crying. It was so bad I wanted to crawl into the ground and disappear forever.” – Z.J.
Lesson learned: Honestly, even we don’t know how to recover from this.