Girl: Tell me now, do I look fat in these jeans?

You: Well…

Sure, you’re probably fucked. We don’t care for that. But we care that you be just as meticulous about your denim choices. Why? Jeans are the staple of staples, and it’ll feature real heavily in your life. It’ll clock tons of miles – as a great pair should. They can be work-friendly, and not just for Casual Fridays.

From the mind-boggling types of fit right down to laundry tips, get it right once and for all so you won’t ever have to waste money on bad jeans decisions.

Jeans fit: Straight. Relaxed. Tapered. Skinny. Bootcut. Slim. Slim straight. The list goes on. Where does one begin to look?

Look at your own body, for one. You know your legs best. The idea is to hunt down something as ‘tailored’ to you as possible, because the jeans of best fit can be flattering enough to inflict Legs Day Envy (yes, it’s a thing) on other dudes, even if you barely have any clue what Legs Day entail.

Rise: Jean-erally speaking, the rise is where the jeans sit on your waist. For guys, it’s usually a case of mid-rise (sits naturally and snugly on your waist) or low rise (sits below your waist to exhibit your underwear brand loyalty).

This is a vital consideration if you want to manipulate the illusion of your height (for your Tinder profile). We’d recommend erring on the side of caution. Reach for the mid-rise, especially for the shorter amigos out there.

Stretch: It’s a unanimous decision at Seriously Man. Jeans with stretchy fabric are the best-est kind.

Employ a squat test in the fitting room.

Wash: If you’re looking to experiment with denim styles, hone in on the wash. Or rather, the colouring. Stonewash, acid wash, how light or dark the wash is – these are some of the common ones.

Laundry: Go against your instincts to wash them. Put them on at the very next avail, go out, and do your thing. Get dirty. Real dirty. The more worn in it is, the better.

Certain schools of thought say you can go months on end without laundering. This school of thought here, on the other hand, says you may go soak it in a tub of cold water and sun dry it when your jeans start having a serious stench or stain problem.


Editor’s note: Call us old school, but we’d really discourage shopping for jeans online. We’d bet our life savings the fit won’t be as perfect as what you see on the model. Unless you’ve already tried on the same exact piece at the store, that is. Go forth and ‘add to cart’ in that case.