by A Gentlemanly Contributor

After coming out of the MRT episode unscathed and emboldened, I undertook yet another James Bond-ish assignment from Team SM. This time round, the espionage involves playing a university undergraduate to scope out what the ladies from each of the respective local campuses are really like. From there, I’ll have to formulate the perfect game plan to approach them with minimal risk of rejection.

Well, you know how people love to say how university is the last bastion of hope for finding your significant other, before you involuntarily enter the rat-race to get your soul vacuumed out of you? It’s true. Well, kinda. Or maybe I’m just using scare tactics to goad you into action. In any case, gentlemen, if you still find yourself hopelessly single after getting involved in raunchy orientation camp games year after year, surely there’s something that needs fixing. After 3 weeks of intense practical research on the various campuses, I’ll go as far as to say this could very well be the magic toolbox you need to step into the LT, beat the bell curve and get that cute girl with the lollapalooza curves.

 

National University of Singapore (NUS)

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Just for the record, I conducted my studies mostly at U-Town and Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, or affectionately known as FASS. U-Town for the wanderlusty, free-spirited exchange students frolicking about, and FASS for the fact that it’s one of the largest faculty with a larger gender ratio imbalance. 9 girls to 1 boy!? Holy bananas. Sounds like the perfect place to be for any gentleman.

Tale of the tape: The ladies here are nothing short of friendly, open-minded, philosophical and enthusiastic, with their own sense of style to boot. The place is so abuzzed with student activities and booths I felt like I’m part of a really cool family. Striking up a conversation with a strange, in 9 tries out of 10, was smooth sailing. One hipster lady with short cropped hair I approached at the Central Forum even went on about the symbolism of “Frozen” for 45 minutes, when all I asked was the best coffee place in NUS to put my feet up and chill.

How to: Quote something thought provoking from Socrates or Shakespeare, something the common Plebian would never ever fathom. Or suggest a spontaneous café hopping across campus. It’s a torture for hipster chicks to say no. You’ve got so many faculties to play with, it’s nigh impossible to run out of options. What, the night is still young after all of them have closed? Worry not, sir. Simply adjourn to U-Town’s famed 24-hour Starbucks and resume your lovely date till sunrise.

 

Nanyang Technological University (NTU)

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On this day, I had my own “Journey To The West”. The expedition alone took close to 2 hours and I was already exhausted to the bone before I kickstarted my monkey business. But hey, a gentleman (or a spy in this case) holds true to his words and I have to soldier on into the depths of Pulau NTU.

Tale of the tape: Yes, so what if it’s like a Chinatown teeming with PRCs? PRC chicks can be incredibly friendly, okay! Screw the stereotype of poor hygiene, peeping armpit hair and whatnots. Half the sets of digits I got from the entire NTU field day were from, you guessed it, the PRC chicks.

How to: Your foolproof approach is to ask for directions. You might be genuinely lost after all; the campus is not only obscure, but huge. Hence Pulau NTU, right? Take it from there and suggest coffee, although it’s highly advisable not to stop seeking help along the way to reach the nearest café or canteen. Even some students look like lost sheep themselves. Seriously (borrowing a catchphrase from Team SM).

 

Singapore Management University (SMU)

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Did I just step into a mini J.P Morgan?

Tale of the tape: The ladies here are sharply donned in dark corporate attires, all huddled up in serious project discussions. I was hardly entertained. On a side note, god can be really unfair; they seem to be blessed with everything: pretty, ambitious, smart, outspoken, superbly driven and sporty. Can it get any more intimidating? In their 4 years of undergraduate studies, they are groomed to own their careers, shatter glass ceilings (and your male ego) and make a boatload of moolah to eventually buy an island to call their own. It’s hard pressed not to find a couple of high-fliers or two, or affluent “SMUggers” who own cars thrice as posh as your Dad’s. Unless you’re a partner in a publicly listed company or your family owns 5 coffee shops, saying it’s a hurdle to even get her out on a coffee date is an understatement.

How to: During my field day, most of the SMU ladies are already coupled up. As for the single ones, you could hazard a shot with…

“Excuse me, I have this proposal for a start-up that Sir Richard Branson would be proud of. Would you like to have a conversation over coffee at The Basement?”

 

Singapore Institute of Management (SIM)

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When I first alighted bus 52 and crossed the bridge over to the campus, I was under the impression that there was fogging going on. Or maybe it was just the haze. Upon closer inspection, I realized the mushroom cloud came from the notorious smoking corner. I braved the “haze” with my sleeve firmly pressed against my face and entered into a campus tour of my own.

Tale of the tape: From what I observed as I walked down the hallways, the ladies here were all looking a little too dolled up for school. And ready to bust a move in their skimpy black dresses, might I add. The waft of perfume from a couple of them was so heavy it bordered on intoxication. Is there an underground nightclub hidden in this campus that I don’t know about? Hmm.

How to: “This lecture is putting me to sleep. Let’s go for a smoke break.”

What if she’s not a smoker? Then it would’ve been as though you caught a rare Pokemon. With ciggies out of the picture, you’re only down to one last strategy: clubs. Try a soft approach and ask how she feels about the closure of Butter Factory. She might have endless opinions and talk your ear off on her years of Butter shenanigans. You know by now that being the perfect gent means you should pay attention, listen and be genuinely interested in what she has to say. It behooves you to do just that, while bearing in mind to throw in a few empathizing nods. By the end of it, there’s a good chance the two of you will feel like you’ve known each other for ages, bonding passionately over the topic of Singapore clubs. Ridiculous as it may sound, she might readily jump onboard when you suggest coffee at the newly opened Starbucks to thrash out alternative party venues.

Get ready for a follow-up club date too.

 

What do you think is a good approach for each of the universities? Drop us your comments below or on our SM Facebook