Welcome to the 21st century. These days, before we go out to meet someone new, we’ll inadvertently unleash our inner 007 and snoop around said person’s social media. That is especially true for those who have tried mobile dating apps. It seems people are increasingly mastering the art of camera angling and Photoshop know-how, so you don’t quite trust the accuracy of the photos, do you?
Today, we aren’t actually talking about mobile dating apps per se. We are putting the spotlight on February 14. Have you got anything planned out? Do you even have a date for the matter? Or are you going to repeat last year’s to-do list of joining “The Lonely Bros Sulk-Over-Tiger Beer Gathering”? Seeing that Valentine’s Day is round the corner, we’re introducing these apps as a means to an end, the end being you securing a V-date in the quickest way possible. The best part is, you get to do it from the comfort of your bedroom in the middle of a commercial break.
How exactly do you accomplish the tall, tall task of asking a girl who barely trusts you out on a short notice? To ensure the quality of the following tips that even insiders and the app makers themselves do not know, Team SM immersed into two of the most commonly used dating apps here in Singapore, namely Tinder and Paktor, over a span of 6 months, 1 week and 2 days. Yes, the research commenced way in advance leading up to this year’s V-day. After a highly complex process of refinery, it came down to this simple 3-step approach to convince a Tinderella out for Valentine’s.
All. Under. 24 hours.
SET UP THE PERFECT PROFILE
Ok fine, so there’s no such thing as perfection. So let’s go with the rather clichéd oxymoronic “you’re perfectly imperfect”. Surely there’s something interesting about you, even though you have a knack of communicating to acquaintances that you’re a boring software engineer with nothing much going on in your life. It’s all about the phrasing in your personal bio. Never ever leave that blank. Passionate about your MMORPG games? Have a secret recipe to an amazing Tiramisu? Proudly wear that badge on your bio!
Yay: “Just your average oh-so-boring engineer in thick frame specs. Transforms into gamer geek on weekends. Diablo, DOTA 2, Assassin’s Creed, conquered them all. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m still game for a coffee date. Might just dia-blow your mind ;)”
Nay: “Your friendly neighbourhood engineer. Looking for a nice girl to go out with on Valentine’s Day. [Smiley]”
Hold your horses, there’s still your profile pictures to be taken care of. We can go on all day and all night about douche gym selfies or grainy shots of you with your hammered Bros. These apps pride on superficiality. Your chosen pictures need to showcase your best self! Your most handsome facial angle, your best hairstyle, your sharpest suit, you in action at Laser Tag etc.
If you don’t have any of those, get cracking. Find a photographer friend to have your shots professionally taken. Or one of those hobbyist (there are millions of them) to at least get some decent ones out. Don’t go complaining now, it’s worth every bit of the trouble. You’ll give us serious thanks later.
As a rule of thumb, have a set comprising of the following: a frontal smiley shot of you before a conversation-starter-worthy background, a photo capturing you indulging in your choice of sports and a “#OOTD” of yourself in a bespoke suit. Take it from us: the gentlemen can do “#OOTDs” too.
GET HER DIGITS!
Sure, these apps are made for swiping and meeting new ladies. But whoever said it’s made for chatting? Take it out of there and into the proper channels! Well, at least it makes for a good excuse to get her number, right? You don’t have much time left to fix a V-date, let alone trying to fruitlessly convince her on the app chat itself that you’re the man for her. The ladies on these apps can be flakier than cornflakes. Acting fast is of utmost importance. Therefore, once you spot that little gap in the opportunity window, take that first flight out into Whatsapp (or any other free messaging apps you and your potential date use).
Excuse of the day:
“Ok this is really bugging me but my app doesn’t give me any notifications. Let’s take this lovely conversation into somewhere only we know ;)”
Another rule of thumb: the transition to Whatsapp SHOULD ideally take place within the same day of the match.
BE MY VALENTINE!
Play a “knock, knock” joke as a conversation opener after you have successfully gotten the number. Or any of your own unique ones you feel exceptionally confident in. Your goal here is to get a good, fun banter going on before you pull the “Be my Valentine!” trigger. The proverb “strike while the iron is hot” would be most appropriate here; there is already some comfort level established from the fact that she gave you her number, and now, the onus is on you to make the link to V-day. Casually bring it up. There’s always a link. No matter what you two are chatting about. Always.
“Cute pup you got there in your profile picture. You are a dog person aren’t you?”
“[… …It doesn’t matter what she says… …]”
“Cool. So who’s going to take care of her when you’re out on Valentine’s?”
[The lady may/may not have a date fixed, and she may/may not make it explicitly known. But hey, she’s on a dating app and she gave you her number, it’s going to take a blatant fool to screw this up now.]
If she is available:
“What, how can a lady like you not have a V-date? Well, you’re single, I’m single, so… I don’t see why we shouldn’t go out on a coffee date and make out like a couple of crazy love birds right there on the café couch.”
If she is unavailable:
Erm, you have another match, don’t you? See, what did we say about time running out? Some other asshole beat you to it.
Everyone is on dating apps these days, and it shouldn’t be difficult at all to find a few matches to garner a date for the big day. You might even see your own female friends on it (courtesy dictates that you swipe right on them anyway). Provided that you have diligently done your homework and adhered to our tried-and-tested guide to score a V-date from your smart phone, we can almost guarantee you there is not a need in the world to participate in this year’s “Lonely Bros Sulk-Over-Tiger Beer Gathering”.
And as promised… here’s your surprise!
Gentlemen, in the spirit of Valentine’s, Team SM is hosting “Ultimate Gentleman’s Guide To Online Dating” workshop this Sunday (Feb 1)! Don’t miss out on this if you want to find out exclusive, tried-and-tested ways to set up QUICK dates with your matches! Event details and RSVP can be found HERE!.