Hello fellas. My name is J., and welcome to The Mansplainer column. This is where I step out of my Gucci’s to put myself in your shoes, and then try to outwit life’s greatest conundrums known to men. Keyword being ‘try’, because unlike bad advice columns out there, I don’t pretend to be a wanker of a know-it-all.
This week, an anonymous gentleman tries to seek ways to get his crush’s attention using his style and fashion. He wants her to notice there’s something different about him.
Q: I’ve always been a T-shirt and jeans kind of guy. But recently I’m thinking about trying new styles to try and get this girl’s attention. Any advice on how to get started? – Anon.
Congratulations, Anon, you found us! Seriously Man was started to help people like you. Before you go ahead and experiment with new styles, and before I mansplain anything, I suggest you read this article: 11 fashion disasters in Singapore that should be made illegal, in our Style section. Prevention (of style experiments gone wrong) is truly the best cure. Make sure you avoid these fashion mishaps AT ALL COSTS!
Now that I’ve made sure you don’t end up a walking accident, or a contemptible peacock, let’s circle back your question. The best way to get your crush’s attention is to simply approach her and moisten her with witty conversation. Easier said than done, I know. I suppose you might be onto something here: in order to minimise your risk of crashing and burning, it’s pretty ingenious to flip the script and get her to (maybe) approach you first!
You should really go seek fashion advice from a trusted confidante, for a start. Preferably a female. Or several females. Hit Orchard Road one weekend and try out all the different styles you’ve been meaning to try, and then have your personal critic dissect your new look constructively.
Don’t have female friends? I suppose you have no choice but to hit up a mate who is reasonably well-dressed. Unless your mates are a bunch of jackasses looking to horse around, you can’t go too wrong. It can’t be that bad. You feeling my residual doubts there? Better yet, Anon, call me! I’ll freaking go shopping with you. Nothing like a success story of love and redemptive style to warm the loins of The Mansplainer!
You’re paying everything, though.
Like I said earlier, the best way is to hear it from the horse’s mouth. If you really want a second opinion, why don’t you grow a pair and ask your crush about your new style? While at it, you could ask her out too – you’ve already got a pathetic excuse at hand, anyway.
Trust me, though, the fear of asking her out will pale in comparison to the scarring ordeal one suffers when shopping with me.
Got bouts of troubles keeping you up at night, and don’t know how to deal? The Mansplainer may not have the magic solution, but a little mansplanation goes a long way.
Write in to firstname.lastname@example.org and have your burning questions answered in the following weeks – if they are important enough, that is.