So you’ve prowled the local taverns. You’ve scouted the dimly lit dance floors. You’ve ferreted around cafes with a book you’re never getting down to read. You’ve gone to every single one of those places Google claims is the best place to meet girls. But today, you’re still single, alone and about to resort to Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel, Paktor and every other dating app out there to try your luck.
However, meeting girls in those places is always going to be an uphill battle more often than not – unless you are one of the Hemsworth brothers with perfect bone structures. You will have an easier time climbing Mount Everest, really. Why? Because women, especially the chronically selective ones, won’t give a crap about uncovering the awesome you at places where they’re expecting to be hit on. As one of the average male species, I can empathize with that.
But do not lose hope, my fellow ‘Averagees’! We’ll man up, explore new frontiers and rise above together! YEAH! After all, it is said that love happens when (and where) you least expect it.
At a marathon (or any other fun run events)
You think only stick thin, crazy men run marathons? Think again. At the recently concluded Sundown Marathon, 35.3% of the 30,000 runners were female –meaning there were a whopping 10,590 females present at the race. Even if you exclude the attached, married and the elderly, you still have a substantial pool of girls that is larger than that of any clubs or bars in Singapore. On an even brighter note, girls who run have insane stamina. Wink.
Before marathon – Identify target of interest and do the requisite scouting. Chances are, she’s running with her pal, or pals. Maybe she’s flying solo at her first ever race – this is your best case scenario. You need to get some small talk going now. No one is going be in a chit-chatting mood mid-race. For starters, casually catch her eye, throw a smile and venture a guess if it is her first marathon. It is non-aggro, minimally creepy and not overly committal like how wannabe pick-up practitioners love asking for a ‘female’s opinion’.
Next, tell her this is your first marathon (even if it is your tenth) and you don’t know what to expect. Then, suggest how you’d be so much less stressed out having a pacer for the starting leg – you’ve kind of assumed she’s ok with the arrangement.
Pro tip – Only suggest running together with her if you’re actually fit enough to keep up with the pace. It’s simply embarrassing, otherwise.
After marathon – Offer her a nice, cool beverage and slip in a compliment on her timing. Get her number while endorphins are running high and set up training dates in the near future.
(Disclaimer: Only do so if the target of interest looks alive after the race. Or if you’re alive enough to talk.)
The founder of Ikea does not like me telling you this but when he came up with Ikea’s business model, he based it on a 3 B’s model – Buy, Build and Booty. True story. Why else would he include meatballs, a product with the least relation to furniture, into his business model? Every day, tons of girls flock to Ikea just to have a taste of their legendary Swedish meatballs. Just by hanging out at the bistro in Ikea, you can be sure to meet gorgeous girls who are surely homely at the same time.
If you happen to see a target of interest dining alone (the stats are in your favour; masturdating is becoming more common), ask if you may join share the table. It is a legit excuse. The Ikea bistro is jam-packed no matter what time of the day it is.
Alternatively, chat up that cutie waiting impatiently behind you in the queue. Similarly, it is almost always a snaking queue no matter the time of the day, so time is on your side. A gentleman hanging around Ikea can also come across as homely and attractive. Plus, with meatballs as a common topic, the good vibes could certainly roll.
If things go exceptionally well, you can even go for a post-dinner Ikea tour together. The possibilities are endless.
So what if things turn south? You have the meatballs as a serious source of consolation.
“Hi there, wanna apply for a HDB flat together?”
In the lift
Think business elevator pitches but this time, your biz is to impress the pretty lady in the lift. This could be tricky one, although you have a full 30-seconds of undivided attention. With almost no barriers to entry in this situation (unless her boss, family member or spouse is present), this is a profitable opportunity where you can get high returns on investment despite substantial risk-taking.
A short and concise conversation can create a lasting impression and get the girl to commit some form of equity, which can warrant a future convention for further correspondence. Do it right and you’re on your way to a future partnership. If things go wrong, your exit strategy is about 5 to 10 seconds away – it should pass effortlessly in the blink of an eye.
So charm away, my fearless brothers!
“You know what else is going up? Your heat index.”
At the void deck
Chances are, you’ve loitered around your neighbourhood and saw beautiful women walking their dogs or returning home from an exhausting grocery trip. If it hasn’t crossed your mind already, please take advantage of this situation. See a woman struggling with heavy bags? Be a gentleman and lend a swole helping hand (carry at a 45-degree angle for a subtle yet devastating flex). Sweet gestures always thaw the ladies’ hearts, no matter how stone cold.
If you own a pup, what on Earth are you waiting for? Take it out for a walk! Dogs are natural chick magnets. They make a better wingman than your wingman. When the ladies catch sight of your adorable pooch, it’s almost guaranteed they’d come over to caress your dog. It’s that irresistible. There’s not even a need to make the first move.
When you meet another girl with a dog, even better! There’s immediate common ground. While both your pets are playing with each other, who’s to say the owners won’t engage in some play time of their own? One thing to take note though: police cams have been installed in HDB void decks as an island-wide initiative to lower crime rate, so you probably won’t want to loiter more than necessary just to perform this killer move.
“Excuse me, I was walking my dog and it got lost. Have you seen a <<insert color>> dog, XXX breed, this size?” If she says no, ask her if she would find it with you. If she agrees, this could be the start of something fun. You have to pay equal attention to getting to know her and finding your imaginary dog.
After a fruitless dog hunt, tell her it cannot be found and put up your best sad face impression. It’s dirty, but you’ll earn instant sympathy. She may go one step further to offer you her digits and call you if she happens to see it – which is never.
At the taxi stand
Doesn’t our first class transport system just make you swell with Singaporean pride? Like MRT stations, our gahmen has placed taxi stands everywhere for the convenience of citizens and it could be an implicit directive that we utilize it to find a mate and procreate (preferably not at the taxi stand itself), for the sake of our ageing population.
Taxi stands are the perfect setting for playing the ‘I’m lost’ card. If you happen to see a ravishing lady in the queue, ask for directions. Singaporeans, being warm and helpful 24/7, will be more than happy to assist. The bonus here is if her destination is ‘along the way’; hesitate no more, it is instinctive at this point that you proposition you two share a cab. Otherwise, in the spirit of taking the initiative, invite yourself into the cab and play by ear.
We should warn you that unlike the elevator pitch, it’s a lot more excruciating to endure 20 to 30 minutes of being trapped in an enclosed space if things don’t work out as expected.
Pick up Approach:
You: “Good evening, I am lost. Do you mind helping me?”
Girl: “Sure, where would you like to go?”
You: “The way to your heart.”
Bonus pick up approach:
For the shy, less ballsy ‘averagees’ ill-disposed towards the taxi move, this is the perfect low hanging fruit: Ride sharing services. With GrabShare, you don’t get to dictate and choose who you get to share the ride with.
Although this option is based entirely on chance, at least you have the stage set nicely for you. So starting today, take as many ride shares as you possibly can. Out of 100 rides, surely you would hit the jackpot once and spark a backseat romance with a lady secretly hoping to meet her Mr Right on her commute home.
Universal Studios Singapore
Birthdays, family days, excursion with friends, girls day out – Universal Studios Singapore provides plenty of reasons for a good time. Singapore’s number one theme park is also filled with gorgeous female tourists and guess what, they are all strictly here for leisure and fun.
With thrilling rides, cute Shrek mascots and refreshing slushies, sexcitement is in the air. But if you want a more good guy approach, accompanying a single girl – who is abandoned by her less enthusiastic girlfriend – through the dark, flaming corridors of the ‘Revenge of the Mummy’ ride or offering a cool beverage in the tropical heat can get you exactly what you want out of USS.
Apply for a job as mascot at USS. The ladies won’t be able to get their hands off you.
At A Police Road Block
Roadblocks are often set up to catch drink drivers. Sometimes, you might get a female police officer coming up to you to test your alcohol level. Seriously, can there be a more fantasy-turned-reality moment than an authoritative lady in uniform asking you to blow into a machine?
“Good Evening, Officer. Care for a nightcap? After that, you could blow on something else.”
‘Forget Tinder, Try These 7 Quirky Places To Meet Women’ is contributed by a Seriously Man reader who has chosen to remain anonymous.