Well, only just maybe.
Donald Trump’s net worth may be valued at some US$3.7 billion, but we can’t bring ourselves to say he even has a million dollar hairstyle. Or some score of style quotient (he was once caught scotch-taping his tie together). The DIY straight comb back is so bad that people have, for a long time, mistaken it for a toupee.
Just as with his foreign policies, egregious tweets and tendency for sexual harassment, people went as far as to engage in a scrutiny of his hairstyle like it’s some kind of national artifact. Maybe it’s their personal crusade to bring him down, or maybe they just take pleasure in trolling one presidential troll. Whatever the case, it doesn’t change the fact that Trump will officially be sworn in as the 45th president of the United States –which means he will officially be the face (and hair) of the United States once the inauguration party dies down.
How should Trump instruct his hairdresser next?
Other than what you wear and your pick of poison at a bar, we at Team S.M know for a fact that your hairstyle can drastically communicate the kind of man you are. Which brings us to the question: Despite his ineptitude to think before he speaks, would things be just a little different if he had adopted a different ‘do from that stiff, ill-conceived coiff?
Would people have a little more faith in Trump to make America great again in our reimagined world where he sports a buzz cut?
Or pull off a dapper, Draper-ish side part?
Or simply do a Churchill and cover it with a top hat altogether?
We could hope. For one, by shearing off that cockadouchey nest sitting on top of his head, he could think clearer. He could inspire a new found belief. He could do away with all the hairspray he has been guzzling to keep his hair in place, and then realise that he could actually save the climate by spewing that much lesser CFC.
He could make a serious attempt to make America great again, rather than hate again.
Trump’s crowning glory…
On your end, whether you are having some kind of inauguration of your own or simply surviving the daily 9 to 6 grind at your office desk, let us throw out the verdict that a buzz cut should be it if you are looking for a new look to own the new year. Think about it, guys. Throughout their careers on the big screen and Top 40 charts, high profile celebs such as Brad Pitt, Jake Gyllenhaal, Wentworth Miller, David Beckham, Drake and most recently, Nick Jonas, have proven that it is a classic, iconic hairstyle any man can fall back on. In terms of maintenance, you practically put in zero effort. You can snooze for an extra 10 minutes every morning and still be on time for work. How great is that?
Troubled times may have dawned, and Trump may have encouraged the worst in men with his infamous “grab ’em by the p*ssy” quote. But as per the ever optimistic words of outgoing president Obama (who, incidentally, likes to keep things buzzed as well), the sun would come up in the morning. Things will get better. For all you know, with your irresistibly clean cut, the ladies might just grab you by the junk instead.
Just don’t be a dick and tweet the whole world about it.