We understand that a majority of you guys live in T-Shirt and jeans much more than you do swimwear. But hear us out when we say you need to audit the swimwear compartment of your wardrobe.
One, it’s beach season – that’s really on all year round here. Two, you’ve got your mandatory pilgrimage(s) to the Thai or Balinese resorts to escape a shithole called life. Three, you’d usually only be wearing one article of clothing under such circumstances, and you’re pressured to look good. Especially if you’re rocking a bod that shouts second trimester rather than Zac Efron.
Therefore, to make sure you get to enjoy your fun in the sun without pangs of self-consciousness, and appear decently bang-able to those bikini hotties in the vicinity, you need the swim shorts.
Why Swim Shorts?
Speedos are a tad too skimpy. No one wants to see wayward pubic hair. Also, you’re not participating in the men’s Olympics 200-meters butterfly relay.
Board shorts? They’re not for everyone, even if you can equal Aquaman at wave riding. It falls right above the knee, which means it’s cut pretty long. Men on the shorter end of the stick, or are built with an awkward beanpole figure, should not be on board with this.
Army FBT shorts and briefs? They’re a straight up no.
Imagine all of the above transposed onto a venn diagram. That happy place in the middle is Swim Shorts – they look great on anyone and everyone.
Nailing The Fit
Like we said, you spend most of your time in T-shirt and jeans, if not shirt and pants. The number of times you need to summon your swimwear in a year, you can probably count with your two hands.
What we’re trying to say is that you don’t have to rotate swimwear like you do your Monday-to-Friday outfits (unless you work at the beach or you’re an
influenza influencer). Owning just one spot-on swim shorts purchase would be able to see you through all beachfront shenanigans, ZoukOuts and NYE raves for the foreseeable future.
How to nail the swim shorts fit so perfectly you don’t need to buy another piece of swimwear in your life:
a) The length of the swim shorts should stop mid-thigh. This is important!
b) Don’t let the fact that you’ll be in the waters, or the drawstrings, trick you into upsizing. Get your usual size.
c) Think long-term and stick to safe-but-stylish-AF solid colours like navy, olive green, white, baby blue and red.
d) OK fine. If that’s too boring, look out for classic swim shorts patterns like nautical stripes, side stripes, houndstooth or contrast detailing to stand out without being obnoxious.